COMMITMENT PHOBIA







      
Hello Everyone,

A few days ago, I was speaking with a friend of mine which you can say never really said how he felt because he didn't know if what he was feeling was the right feeling. Confusing, isn't it? And when we kept talking and digging deep, we discovered that he was commitment phobic.

Since that conversation, my heart has gone around that statement "COMMITMENT PHOBIA". This made me realize that a lot of people are commitment phobic based on the experiences that they have had.

So lets talk commitment and how the phobia encapsulates what decisions people make in life and relationships.

Commitment is defined as the state or activity of being dedicated to a cause, event, situation and so many more. There is always an end to commitment. You don't get committed without having a reason to or what you expect to get from it.

"If you are not committed towards something or an activity or a change, then you are committed to not being committed" - Yele

 We are made in God's image and with our makeup comes the faculty of focus. We are focus beings. We focus on something that would improve us or focus on something that could destroy us or focus on absolutely nothing.

 There are external commitments like going to the gym or learning a sport, taking some classes etc. These require a bit more discipline in being committed to these goals and they are different from the inherent commitment that is in sync with our framework.

Now being "COMMITMENT PHOBIC" is a state or activity of being afraid to make a decision to be focused on a particular thing, activity etc. What commitment phobic people do not realize is that, the action of being afraid to focus or commit is a commitment in itself.

So what would I say is the root cause of "COMMITMENT PHOBIA"? One word... FEAR....

  • FEAR is simply believing something to the point of action
  • FEAR of intimacy. Someone once said that intimacy means 'Into Me See', 'Into You See'
  • FEAR of allowing the real you be exposed to the others or a significant other
  • FEAR that you or what you carry inside of you is not good enough
  • FEAR that you won't make an impact in the world.
  • FEAR that what you carry in you has little or no value compared to other people
  • FEAR OF FEAR OF FEAR!!! 
Fear is the absence of faith. Fear believes that it is better being alone than trusting anyone with anything. That in itself is a form of pride. Pride believes in self-sufficiency and self love. It's the underlying reason people find it difficult to commit in a relationship or keep a career for too long. It does not mean that people with commitment phobia are not loving or caring. It only means that they cannot give it a 100% which people require.
I have some simple steps that I think would help people fight and overcome this "COMMITMENT PHOBIA"
  1. Understand that God loves you. His love is perfect, surreal and it drives out all fear. The Bible says that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. These three spirits are totally the components of someone who has the ability to comment.
  2. Be in tune with reality. Do not be worried so much about who, what, when or how. Be connected with the person, situation in front of you
  3. Get help. If you could help yourself, I would not be typing this right now. You are not alone. People will understand you and you will not be judged.
  4. Learn from people who have overcome their commitment phobia and let their experience teach you. 
I need you to understand that you can enjoy a beautiful life full of love and laughter. This takes commitment and I know YOU can do it. You can be free to love and be loved.

Shalom
Yele

Comments

  1. Unknown17 October 2016 at 15:56

    Very true... Pst Bi. The very reason a lot of men aren't married is Commitment phobia. And the very reason why most relationship fail its same phobia. Thanks for the steps for overcoming this phobia, they will really help. More grace...

    ReplyDelete

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